Oops he did it again

Tony Parsons (aka Parsehole) had his say in The Mirror today. A few “ouch”es, really. A few “uhu”s.

Somewhere inside that fat, sleazy, bloated old geezer is the George Michael I used to know. Somewhere inside that middle-aged man caught with crack in a public toilet is the fresh-faced boy who I first met nearly 25 years ago.

Fat, sleazy, bloated old geezer? He clearly didn’t see that picture of George with his shirt off the other day. I did. Fat and bloated? Hardly. Tony should be so lucky to be that trim at 45. And when it comes to that boy he met 25 years ago – and screwed over for three interviews in The Mirror some years later – I don’t think George cares too much what the sleazy, old geezer (that’s Tony, btw) puts in print about him.

That kid was smart, funny and he had a heart of gold (…) We haven’t been close for years, but he doesn’t look as though he laughs quite as much these days.

He’s not that stupid, dull and stone-hearted now, really, is he? I haven’t met him for years either, but he seemed perfectly lovely when I did. More than lovely, in fact. He didn’t have to be nice, funny, charming, welcoming, huggy and all smiles. He really didn’t have to. But he was, and it didn’t seem like that much of a stretch for him either. We had some good laughs, mostly over him being self-ironic. A man that knows self-irony, especially someone like George, will probably laugh quite a bit.

Even in the fog of the puff he loves so much, George Michael is still smart enough to know how it looks.

So now he IS still smart, then? Interesting, cause above I kind of read his statement as ‘he used to be so smart, but now…’ I think there are a few things the guy is in denial about. That’s George I’m talking about – primarily. He’s made statements like, “I know smoking cannabis may work as a depressant for other people but not for me” – which doesn’t show that great an insight, to be honest. He also said something about it creating paranoia for other people but again, not for him. This comes from the guy that thought he was under surveillance, is on antidepressants and has seen the same shrink for nearly 2 decades… Sure he’s not depressed and somewhat paranoid and it’s obviously got nothing to do with the smokin’.

Having said that, he could have been depressed before he started all that – but I think we can agree that it certainly doesn’t help.

It can’t go on for ever because Parkinson has retired and that apology about boring us made me smile. If only because I sensed the young George behind it and how much he would have despised the sad man he has become.

I somehow don’t think George views himself as sad. Maybe except for when he’s in his bedroom crying – as we all do sometimes. But sad in the sense Tony is referring to? I’d like to think his ego blocks the view of the supposedly sad act. He keeps saying he’s not embarrassed, and jokes that he went and did it again, but I think he is a little embarrassed (but only cause it makes him look stupid) – I also think he keeps doing this for a reason. Look at how he talks about the toilet-arrest (the first one) now: It was a cry for help, basically, to get him out of a certain state of mind. It certainly did that. What is he trying to get away from this time?

It could be as easy as boredom. He’s been on tour for 2 years and is now stuck in his huge-ass house in a lovely neighbourhood with a man he doesn’t even sleep on the same floor as. For someone like George – who clearly bores quite easily – the thought of being monogamous and cuddling up with Kenny (or any man) every night must bore him out of his skull. He blames his sexual desires for getting (probably) all his action outside the master bedroom. (Well, he might get it in the master bedroom, but Kenny will most likely not be there…)

It could also be a case of fuck the system – maybe he felt his protests in a couple of Wham! songs were too lame (and now out-dated), and now he wants to see what he can and can’t get away with. Again I think I’d put it down to boredom. He’s been the biggest artist in the world, millions have seen him live in the last 2 years alone, he’s earned hundreds of millions of pounds – most of which he invests in obscure art by obscure artists so the taxman won’t take it all. He’s sold an insane amount of records. For a while, everything he released charged up the charts. He’s duetted with pretty much all his idols (except for Lauryn Hill that kept getting knocked up to get out of it).

Maybe he’s just achieved everything he set out to achieve and is now wondering what the fuck to aim for next?

George Michael fans are giving up on him.

Who’s giving up? Anyone? Sure, people will have their say and roll their eyes – but I don’t think any of those that say “what an idiot” will not run out tomorrow if he released another album or did another gig.

The young George Michael was just such a lovely guy. He could sing, he could write great songs and he could even dance (a little bit). In private he was always, always great company – kind and generous, warm and funny. The boy he was once is still in there, buried under all the middle-aged sleaze and disappointment.

“A little bit.” lol. Moving on. Words like “sleaze and disappointment” is a bit rich coming from a guy that screwed over a friend to publish three very personal interviews in a sleazy publication like the Mirror ten years ago. I admit, I loved those intervews, because it gave a real insight into who George is and where he was at that point in his life. If you think his interviews in recent years have been honest… I don’t think they have been. I mean, sure, he’s told the truth about certain events – but he’s not offered an insight into who he is. Not really. People might think he has; by revealing all the – to use Tony’s word – sleazy stuff he’s done and all the outrageous things he’s been up to. If I’m being honest with you, I think he’s made up quite a bit of it to just see what happens.

To me, all that is just a front, really. The shadows of a kid that didn’t get any for quite a while, and likes to brag that he can make up for it now by doing anyone with a pulse. Anywhere. All the while he’s – shock horror – in a relationship already. And – eek – smoking cannabis and taking sleeping pills. Wow, I’m so shocked. It’s been clear – for quite a few years, actually – that he’ll say anything to make people gawk. I think it amuses him, a lot, to see the aftermath of what he’s said and how it evolves into something completely ridiculous and out of proportion. The press is using him, so he’s using them – who gets the last laugh, really?

So he went cruising in a toilet ten years ago. How sensational. So he did it again – big fucking deal. Who says we’re here to learn from our mistakes? I don’t think George views those things as a mistake at all – I think he probably views them as him living on the edge. Some people jump out of parachutes, others go out at night trying to avoid getting arrested. Each to their own.

Can we go back to waiting for that new song now?

PS For your information; Tony Parsehole – age 55 – is past his middle-age. So for him to make middle-aged-sleaze quips is a bit rich… if you ask me, which I know you didn’t

Does this look fat and bloated to you?